Anyone vaccinated here? I got that BIG VACCINE ENERGY (BVE). I’m ready to put on my red stilettos and hit the town.
That said, I don’t own red stilettos. I don’t own any stilettos, actually. They’re a death trap for a klutz like me.
And even if I did own them, a year of quarantine and comfy vibes has making questioning the trappings of my former life. Over-planned Saturdays. Really tight jeans. Saying yes when it’s a clear no. Hangovers. Worrying about things that are out of my control. Excessive consumption. Ya know…just those pesky habits and societal norms ingrained over 3+ decades on this planet.
I hope I can hold onto this new filter, the liberation that comes with deep questioning and the reawakening of gut instincts. But I also know these pesky habits won’t leave easily, and that’s OK too. Because another thing I learned last year is that kindness > righteousness.
^ Suggested song for the “dance-around-your-house-post-vaccine-I’m-free!-breath-of-fresh-air” dance.
Given all the existential questions that emerge as we emerge from quarantine, I decided to focus this Muddled Fairytales on pieces that offer a healthy dose for a big rethink.
Hope you enjoy. Hugs IRL soon,
Carine
PS SHAMELESS PLUG -
It’s been a while since I had the headspace to write because I’ve been busy with a different “big rethink,” i.e., reimagining women’s health in the United States. I’m SUPER excited to share that we opened two new Origin clinics and are gearing up for a lot more. For my friends in SF and LA, please tell all your friends with vaginas that it’s time to get physical, therapy that is. 🤪
Reality check
Speaking of societal norms and gut instincts, I recently read this essay that blew my mind: “What makes a woman? Women’s bodies emerge on the shoreline between biology and culture.”
It’s an incredible synthesis of how the mind, body, and society conspire to create identity.
We study how the brain creates the fears, joys, hunger pangs, aches and pains that define the human condition. These are not just mental events, but nor are they ‘purely’ bodily ones.
Like a shoreline that emerges where water and sand meet, the reality we experience arises from the interplay of bodily and cultural inputs over time – many of which are gendered.
On the one side, there are internal organs that cramp and swell, breasts that engorge and sag, bones that grow and shrink, hormones that ebb and flow, and brains that are always fine-tuning it all, keeping everything in balance. On the other side, there are institutions that welcome or oppress, social relationships that support or subjugate, and narratives that empower or crush.
Worth a read (or multiple), particularly if you’re into thinking about thinking. The research team behind this essay studies psychophysiology and what they call “introception,” an area of perception science that focuses on how the brain represents the body. Fascinating stuff.
Live a little: Shantell Martin on how drawing can set you free
At some point in your childhood, you might have gotten in trouble for doodling in class. Or perhaps your paintings stopped making it to the fridge because they weren’t “good enough” after 6th grade.
According to Shantell Martin, those voices need to be squashed. She believes we’re all artists, and that by picking up a pen and reclaiming your artistic identity, you’ll be set free.
Check out this inspiring interview with Martin on Culture Call.
Doodlers, go wild.
Watch: Small Axe, E.2 “Lovers Rock”
The dancing, the soundtrack, the long eye contact. A delicious aperitif before your first IRL dance party. Check it out.
Talking about talking
Generally, I’m a big fan of talk therapy and think most people should be working out at the mental gym regularly. But with therapy and coaching culture entering the mainstream, strange and problematic edges emerge. One big one: a further widening of the class divide between those who can afford (or whose employers pay for) expensive therapy and trade in hyper self-aware language, and those who cannot.
“Rise of Therapy Speak,” New Yorker*
First, let’s survey the situation. It’s as though the haze of our inner lives were being filtered through a screen of therapy work sheets. If we are especially online, or roaming the worlds of friendship, wellness, activism, or romance, we must consider when we are centering ourselves or setting boundaries, sitting with our discomfort or being present. We “just want to name” a dynamic. We joke about our coping mechanisms, codependent relationships, and avoidant attachment styles. We practice self-care and shun “toxic” acquaintances. We project and decathect; we are triggered, we say wryly, adding that we dislike the word; we catastrophize, ruminate, press on the wound, process. We feel seen and we feel heard, or we feel unseen and we feel unheard, or we feel heard but not listened to, not actively. We diagnose and receive diagnoses: O.C.D., A.D.H.D., generalized anxiety disorder, depression. We’re enmeshed, fragile. Our emotional labor is grinding us down. We’re doing the work. We need to do the work.
“The Therapy-App Fantasy,” The Cut
“Esther Perel Goes Off Script,” Vulture
Now what?
More than three people have died every day by the hands of police since March 29, the start of Derek Chauvin’s trial. And here, another morbidly simple graphic of 2021 mass shootings, which is just a “partial list.”
I’m appalled and angered. When is enough, enough?
Honestly, this feels so endemic and condoned, I’m at a loss of what to do and which institution to shake up. If you’re feeling less paralyzed and have found ways to be meaningfully active (v. Instagram posturing), please share! I’d love to elevate in the next newsletter.
Final thought.
See y’all in the deep end. 😘