Mat leave memos
🌪️ Midjourney Mamma ... 🩸💉 Prick Me Please ... 🫠 New baby, new biz— who diz?
It’s been 14 weeks with our bundle of love. Throughout this journey, I’ve been writing “mat leave memos,” short rumblings on this transition, usually drafted during a late night feed and then edited for sanity in the morning.
For the last installment of these memos (mat leave is over!), I’d love to take you down a rabbit hole at the crossroads of AI and motherhood. Yes, we’re going there.
In case you missed the others, sharing the earlier memos below.
But first, requisite baby pic!
🌪️ Mat leave memo: Midjourney Mamma
Becoming a mother is such a big identity shift, there’s a word for it: “matrescence.” Coined by reproductive psychiatrist Alexandra Sacks, this developmental transition is like “adolescence,” with all the hormonal and physical changes of puberty, but this time your hair falls out instead of growing in. (Wish I were kidding).
It’s still early days for me — i.e., I’m not at the point where I’m ready to scream from a mountaintop, “I AM MOTHER HEAR ME ROAR!” though perhaps that would help. But, as I emerge from the haze of the fourth trimester, I’m starting to feel a little less awkward in this mother-skin. Like a chocolate-vanilla soft serve, once distinct identities of individual and mom have swirled together. I’m one giant cup of light brown mush. Melting, but tasty.
In an attempt to creatively make sense of this time, I dabbled in Midjourney for the first time to see how AI art could express this identity shift. For the uninitiated, Midjourney is like ChatGPT for imagery.
As weird as it may seem, there seems to be something fitting about creating art in partnership with a collective intelligence to express the transition into motherhood — an identity that’s both singular and universal.
So here goes:
”Matrescence in Four Parts.” Created by Carine Carmy on Midjourney 13 weeks postpartum. April 2023
In case you’re curious, a little behind the scenes. The original prompt I used: “four scenes: white blob with black stick figure inside, white blob floating in outer space, white blob disintegrating, white blob swimming”
This was inspired by some early journaling I did as I progressed through this time:
Phase 1: resistance > Old me fighting to break free within new me.
Phase 2: dissolution > Loss of sense of self. Suspended state. Unclear who I am now. Who I was feels far away. Unpleasant, disorienting, untethered.
Phase 3: testing > New identity dominates, consumes time and headspace. Temporary seeps into permanence.
Phase 4: integration > (I’m not here yet but it feels close.) New way of being emerges. Behaviors become beliefs.
And some of the outcast imaginings from MidJourney:
Thanks so much for joining me on this journey, and especially for all the support in texts, emails, calls, food, hand-me-downs, and tips.
As many have reminded me, we’re just getting started!